Two friends who are girls go speed dating together. Almost all of the guys are insane. They like the same guy. One girl says: "Oh, you like that guy? Okay, you date him then." The other girl says: "Oh no, I have a good feeling about you guys, you go ahead and date him." So she does, but the other girl picks him as well. They tell each other their dating plans, and also fight about which one he likes more. "Oh, no, its YOU, guys only take girls dancing who they REALLY like, he's just taking me to dinner." The first girl really, really likes the guy after their date, but she is afraid that she made such as ass of herself on the first date that he will not be interested in her, and that will make her very upset. She realizes that her standards have been very low for men, and that this guy is way better than all of the men online and her ex boyfriend, and that she needs to raise her standards, although they are religiously incompatible. She tells her friend that the date went badly, even though she liked him. She was just so nervous because she wanted him to like her so much that she attempted to eat fish with chop sticks and in general acted like a character that should be played by drew barrymore. Her roommate advises her to tell her friend not to date him, but she won't do it because she does not want to be a dog in the manager and not have her friend date him because she was such an awkward mess. She is pretty such that he will not call her again. Her speed dating friend responds in text message with: "I just bought a new sports bar and it gives me more cleavage than a push up, I need to find an outfit that goes with it, is he tall enough for me to wear heels? I don't remember." This makes her cry hysterically. Her friend sends another text saying "Oh, its sooo slippery out, I'm going to kill myself wearing heels." The girl does not respond with "Good" but she thinks it.
The premise of a bad chick flick, or my actual life? You decide and I'll tell you if you're right.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
the walrus said....
The end has come.
If you are ever on match.com, although, in fact, this will probably not apply, since everyone who is reading this will have not only read this blog, but is everyone who reads this blog is my friend, and none of my friends are ever single, do not forget to read the fine print. If you pay for 6 months and go for the 6 month guarantee, they will not tell you, or give you a count down.
Just one day I logged on, and it was all gone. The sexual predators, the stream of consciousness guys, the Tarzans, the script writers, the men petting large cats, all gone.
There is a void. Not only do I love my blog, but every night I come home, I check the gmail, I do a little face stalk, and then, nothing. There used to be so much more.
But not for the entertainment, not even for the blog can I justify the money.
We will all muddle through, somehow
If you are ever on match.com, although, in fact, this will probably not apply, since everyone who is reading this will have not only read this blog, but is everyone who reads this blog is my friend, and none of my friends are ever single, do not forget to read the fine print. If you pay for 6 months and go for the 6 month guarantee, they will not tell you, or give you a count down.
Just one day I logged on, and it was all gone. The sexual predators, the stream of consciousness guys, the Tarzans, the script writers, the men petting large cats, all gone.
There is a void. Not only do I love my blog, but every night I come home, I check the gmail, I do a little face stalk, and then, nothing. There used to be so much more.
But not for the entertainment, not even for the blog can I justify the money.
We will all muddle through, somehow
I'm a loser!
I just looked at my inbox.
It is flooded with emails from men and administrators from speed-dating, match, chemistry, and eharmony.
I look DESPERATE.
I have become a serial dater.
Maybe I will try not dating anyone. This is my roommate's advice to me.
Basically she told me to try reverse psychology.......................................on the universe.
So if you're listening to me universe, and I know you're out there, I don't want a boy anymore. I also do not want a dance job, a yoga career, enough money to pay my rent, and I really, really, really don't want a lemon meringue pie, right now.
*Peers up at the sky, is it working?*
It is flooded with emails from men and administrators from speed-dating, match, chemistry, and eharmony.
I look DESPERATE.
I have become a serial dater.
Maybe I will try not dating anyone. This is my roommate's advice to me.
Basically she told me to try reverse psychology.......................................on the universe.
So if you're listening to me universe, and I know you're out there, I don't want a boy anymore. I also do not want a dance job, a yoga career, enough money to pay my rent, and I really, really, really don't want a lemon meringue pie, right now.
*Peers up at the sky, is it working?*
speed dating
Since I have yet to decide which side of the her/his gravestone I want to be buried on, I went speed dating instead.
So surreal. I went with a friend of mine and her two friends. So 4/12 of us were together. I was one station away from my friend and when it came up, I told them we were together. The girls told me afterward that I had broken the first rule of speed dating, do not talk about speed dating.
In passing, the first guy I spent 7 minutes with was a Greek from Athens. If I was superstitious, I would say that as a bad sign. Anyways, he joined the side of my detractors, there were less guys than girls and he ended up back at my station and rather than enduring another 7 minutes than me, he ran. No really, he sprinted and everyone looked at us. It. was. awesome.
Other than that, most of the guys were loony, but we have all had enough of making fun of loony guys, lets talk about the the nice guys. There were four out of fourteen guys that the four of us all agreed were the best by a lot. We all put them on our list. They all put us on theirs.
I am now supposed to go on dates with guys who I know are dating other girls, who I know. My friend even has the same name as me. The guy we both agreed was the best of the lot sent me an email and as I read it I thought to myself:
"I wonder if he just copied and pasted this to both of us. He wouldn't even have to change the name."
This does not work for me. I do not believe in astrology, but if I did, I would blame my jealous possessiveness on my scorpio sign.
The moral of the story is, do not go speed dating with one's friends. Go alone. And more importantly, never wear your favorite earrings. I lost one of mine, and few men are worth the loss of one's favorite earrings.
Ps, The guy I liked second best chose my friend and not me. Also, annoying. I have not come upon a situation fraught with more potential drama since my first Greek restaurant..
So surreal. I went with a friend of mine and her two friends. So 4/12 of us were together. I was one station away from my friend and when it came up, I told them we were together. The girls told me afterward that I had broken the first rule of speed dating, do not talk about speed dating.
In passing, the first guy I spent 7 minutes with was a Greek from Athens. If I was superstitious, I would say that as a bad sign. Anyways, he joined the side of my detractors, there were less guys than girls and he ended up back at my station and rather than enduring another 7 minutes than me, he ran. No really, he sprinted and everyone looked at us. It. was. awesome.
Other than that, most of the guys were loony, but we have all had enough of making fun of loony guys, lets talk about the the nice guys. There were four out of fourteen guys that the four of us all agreed were the best by a lot. We all put them on our list. They all put us on theirs.
I am now supposed to go on dates with guys who I know are dating other girls, who I know. My friend even has the same name as me. The guy we both agreed was the best of the lot sent me an email and as I read it I thought to myself:
"I wonder if he just copied and pasted this to both of us. He wouldn't even have to change the name."
This does not work for me. I do not believe in astrology, but if I did, I would blame my jealous possessiveness on my scorpio sign.
The moral of the story is, do not go speed dating with one's friends. Go alone. And more importantly, never wear your favorite earrings. I lost one of mine, and few men are worth the loss of one's favorite earrings.
Ps, The guy I liked second best chose my friend and not me. Also, annoying. I have not come upon a situation fraught with more potential drama since my first Greek restaurant..
atonal
Right, so eharmony is not the way of the future. They had an extensive personality quiz. Which at first I thought was a good sign. They are dead serious about compatibility, unlike match.com:
"Match daily 5!
Emily! Meet Steve! He is also an oldest child! He enjoys a drink in a social setting! He also fancies felines! He breaths! He has the same amount of DNA, we hope! He smokes every day and has no picture and we realize that you set your profile settings not to be matched with either of these, but the similarities between you guys were so striking, we hoped your mutual love of cats would overcome these artificial boundaries you set for yourself..."
Haha only kidding! Match only gives you three criteria for matching, not five.
But then eharmony went on to get a bit terrifying and unnecessary with questions about how many children one wanted, one's blood type, and which side of the his/her gravestone one wanted to be buried on.
I stuck it through and filled out the whole thing to review my match for free, and waited two days to get matched with guys in places like Alabama, and Kentucky. What am I going to do? Fly to Kentucky to see of I like a guy I have never met before? Not going to work. Maybe speed dating is the way of the future, instead of websites. I wouldn't move to Kentucky for Johnny Depp....
"Match daily 5!
Emily! Meet Steve! He is also an oldest child! He enjoys a drink in a social setting! He also fancies felines! He breaths! He has the same amount of DNA, we hope! He smokes every day and has no picture and we realize that you set your profile settings not to be matched with either of these, but the similarities between you guys were so striking, we hoped your mutual love of cats would overcome these artificial boundaries you set for yourself..."
Haha only kidding! Match only gives you three criteria for matching, not five.
But then eharmony went on to get a bit terrifying and unnecessary with questions about how many children one wanted, one's blood type, and which side of the his/her gravestone one wanted to be buried on.
I stuck it through and filled out the whole thing to review my match for free, and waited two days to get matched with guys in places like Alabama, and Kentucky. What am I going to do? Fly to Kentucky to see of I like a guy I have never met before? Not going to work. Maybe speed dating is the way of the future, instead of websites. I wouldn't move to Kentucky for Johnny Depp....
this blog
So, I have been thinking about what to do with this blog.
Which dating site shall I look at next? Now that I can cross match off my list since I can attract the same level and response of men by walking into a college dive bar naked....
I thought about the free ones. But if match is the way that it is and costs what it does, how much lower will the quality be on the free ones? I mean, any lower and they'll have to be those people you comment and insult eachother on youtube videos:
"ivvyx1 (1 hour ago)
Girls, give that guy some serious pussy please. He deserves it, not that he would be in lack of it but anyway his singing sounds like he hasn't quite yet gotten any. If he only knew what's coming sooner or later.
paris8miley (3 hours ago) 0 Reply
omg i looooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooove him ppl I 2 HAVE BIIIIIIIEBER FEEEVER AND HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTy."
Anyway, enough of that. If single celled organisms could type. So since I fear that any lower than the denizens of match.com would be single celled organisms, I will not be joining the free ones. Maybe I'll join the second most popular dating website other than match, chemistry.com. I'll change the name of the blog. I'll ask my friends who know science a chemical formula that results in explosions, or big stenches.
Or maybe I'll join eharmony, ask my musical friends for chords that are non-harmonious...or maybe since there does not seem to be a happy medium between websites, speed dating will be the way of the future...
Which dating site shall I look at next? Now that I can cross match off my list since I can attract the same level and response of men by walking into a college dive bar naked....
I thought about the free ones. But if match is the way that it is and costs what it does, how much lower will the quality be on the free ones? I mean, any lower and they'll have to be those people you comment and insult eachother on youtube videos:
"ivvyx1 (1 hour ago)
Girls, give that guy some serious pussy please. He deserves it, not that he would be in lack of it but anyway his singing sounds like he hasn't quite yet gotten any. If he only knew what's coming sooner or later.
paris8miley (3 hours ago) 0 Reply
omg i looooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooove him ppl I 2 HAVE BIIIIIIIEBER FEEEVER AND HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTy."
Anyway, enough of that. If single celled organisms could type. So since I fear that any lower than the denizens of match.com would be single celled organisms, I will not be joining the free ones. Maybe I'll join the second most popular dating website other than match, chemistry.com. I'll change the name of the blog. I'll ask my friends who know science a chemical formula that results in explosions, or big stenches.
Or maybe I'll join eharmony, ask my musical friends for chords that are non-harmonious...or maybe since there does not seem to be a happy medium between websites, speed dating will be the way of the future...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
You know my name, baby look up the number
Oops. I got angry at men. Really very angry. So I went through and deleted all their numbers.
That was a mistake.
This is not the first time I have made this mistake.
Never do this. Even if you do not like them, keep their numbers or else if you are like me than curiosity if nothing else will keep you texting because I have to know who it is.
I am now getting text messages from I don't know who. Multiple people. At least two. I think they are match men. The thing is, I require a lot of attention and if they do not give it to me and then try to make a comeback two weeks later, three months later, I have already deleted their numbers in a snit.
I think, I will make plans to meet one of these mystery men. That will add an element of fun into the whole dating process. It will be like the dating show with the three bachelors behind the curtain.
I'm easily amused.
That was a mistake.
This is not the first time I have made this mistake.
Never do this. Even if you do not like them, keep their numbers or else if you are like me than curiosity if nothing else will keep you texting because I have to know who it is.
I am now getting text messages from I don't know who. Multiple people. At least two. I think they are match men. The thing is, I require a lot of attention and if they do not give it to me and then try to make a comeback two weeks later, three months later, I have already deleted their numbers in a snit.
I think, I will make plans to meet one of these mystery men. That will add an element of fun into the whole dating process. It will be like the dating show with the three bachelors behind the curtain.
I'm easily amused.
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