thank you craigslist

The follow up to that job interview......

Ever seen when they make the girls on "America's Next Top Model" sell random products to them while they attack them? Now imagine its Van Diesel and you are shut in the basement with him for 40 min. Welcome to the scariest job interview I have ever had. I'm getting under the bed and I am not coming out

thank you craigslist

Even though no longer on match.com, who needs dates when one can have job interviews?

It was an interview for a personal assistant with the CEO of the fitness industry. The first thing he says to me as he places his beefy unclad arms around his head displaying his Van Dieslish muscles is: "I hope I do not smell, I was working out right before you got here. You do not smell me? That's good, I do not usually smell. I am not a smelly guy, I don't know why."
It was all downhill from there. He monologued about himself for 30 minutes straight. without asking me a single question. He kept interrupting himself to tell me about how the computer has a virus which threatens to take a picture of him unless he types a passcode in. He told me about all his projects and then about his failed television slot. After 1/2 he asks for my resume. He takes one look at it. Discovers that I have not been a personal assistant before and asks me why I came to the interview. His old personal assistant Charlotte looked at my application and sent me. He keeps telling "There must be some reason why Charlotte sent you.........." He tells me sell myself. One of the positive things I say about myself is that I am a fast thinker. Throughout the last part of the interview he would ask me multiplication questions to test this.

"So, are you still dancing? WHAT IS 7 X 7???????!!!!!!!! Why would you be good for this job? WHAT IS 3 X 4?????!!!!!"

The last thing he says to me is, "There must be some reason why Charlotte sent you..." I walk out of his office at 3:40. I get a text at 3:43 "Hello Emily, this is Jeff. Can you come back for a follow up interview tonight?"

thanks again

Sometimes I still get text messages at 3 AM from unknown numbers that say:
VEGAS FUCKIN ROCKS!!@@!!!

and I say Thank you, match.com

ps

A number that came back from the dead, I do not know who it is or whether I met him or not. Should never have deleted all those numbers. But my friend says that it is mean to unfriend so it is the only form of self-expression that I have. He asked me how I was, if I was done with my yoga master training, and if I was still in restaurants. I called him out on the fact that I was not training to be a jedi, and then proceeded to complain that I was still in restaurants. And then he asked me if I knew all the hot spots. I said no. I do not, never have, and never know the hot spots.
(I hate the night life, baby.
And I am not a NYC tour guide.)
I asked if he knew all the hot spots. He said no, that it was too cold. He said we should go out, when it was warm.
He said warmer was near to 60 to 50. So if an unknown number asks me out in a couple of months, I will say yes.
He seems my type of guy. (A bear.) Hibernation, this is what I like to hear.